


Just Another Casualty

by LibraryMage



Series: Casualties [1]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Child Abuse, Dark Ezra Bridger, Found Family, Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Torture, slow burn found family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2020-05-20 12:43:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19376941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LibraryMage/pseuds/LibraryMage
Summary: The apprentice has lived his whole life under the control of Darth Sidious.  When he fails his master, he's given one chance to make up for it: an assignment that will change the course of his life forever.  If it doesn't get him killed first.





	1. Mission Failure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: unnamed character death; child abuse; Stockholm Syndrome; torture of a child

Kanan rested his hand on his blaster as he moved through the dark corridors.  Beside him, Hera already had her blaster out, her eyes wide as she stared into the darkness that surrounded them, just barely illuminated by the flashlight in Kanan’s hand.  Fulcrum had sent them to this place, calling in a favor with Hera.  When they’d arrived at the building, they’d found that the power had been cut, which put them all on alert.

Kanan stopped outside a door.  There was nothing about it that was different from any of the other doors they’d already opened only to find nothing, but Kanan’s gut told him this was where they’d find the answer they’d been sent here for.

Kanan didn’t need to signal Hera.  She immediately stood beside the door with her back against the wall as Kanan did the same on the door’s other side.  Kanan reached out and hit the control switch and the door opened with a _whoosh_ that seemed so loud in the empty silence.

When he and Hera entered the room, they stopped short, Hera letting out a soft gasp as she lowered her blaster and slowly placed it in her holster.  Kanan swept the beam of light across the room, taking in the sight of the bodies that lay scattered on the floor.

“I guess we know why Fulcrum hasn’t heard from them,” Kanan said.

“Zeb,” Hera said, switching her commlink on, “Sabine.  We found them.”

 _“When you say you found them…”_ Sabine trailed off, leaving the question only half asked.

“Dead,” Hera said.  “All of them.  We’re in a room on the northeast corner.”

Kanan stepped farther into the room, once again sweeping the light over the bodies, this time lingering on each one for a moment.  The one who appeared to be the youngest couldn’t be much older than Sabine.  Her eyes were closed, as if she’d known she was about to die and had been bracing herself for it.  If it hadn't been for the wound to her abdomen, he might have thought she was sleeping.

Kanan knelt down beside the body, looking closely at the wound.  Something about it seemed…

“Hera,” he said, his voice going hoarse as he moved the beam of light to another body, staring at a similar wound in the man’s chest.  “These people were all killed with a lightsaber.”

* * *

 

As the apprentice piloted the small fighter toward the Imperial Palace, he wondered if his master already knew of his failure.  He’d achieved his objective and eliminated the rebel cell, but one of his targets had escaped.  He had hunted the man for hours before eventually catching up with him, but the man had died without revealing if he’d told anyone about the massacre.

The apprentice felt icy veins of fear creeping through him as he set the fighter down in an isolated, nearly-deserted hangar.  He always entered the palace through the ways that would attract the least attention, knowing it was better if he was noticed by as few people as possible.

He made his way through the corridors, certain that his master already knew he’d returned.  His master knew almost everything.  It was a truth he’d learned when he was a young child, still testing the limits of what he could get away with.  He knew better now.  There was only one thing he’d ever been able to hide from his master.

When the apprentice reached his quarters, a small, windowless room deep underground, in the lower levels of the palace, he sank onto the small, thin pallet in the corner.  He rested his elbows on his knees, running his fingers through his short, dark hair, letting his nails scrape painfully against his scalp as he tried to bring his fear back under his control.  His master wanted him afraid, said his fear fueled his anger, but outward displays of fear were a sign of weakness that was always punished.

 _This won't help you,_ he told himself.  Whatever was going to happen would happen, and he couldn’t stop it.  All he could do was not make it worse by shaking or flinching or trying to say anything in his own defense.

He lay back on his pallet, staring up at the ceiling.  He knew it could be hours before his master either summoned him or came down to speak with him.  He stared intently at the corner where the ceiling and the walls met.  It was one of the few places in the room he could look at that didn’t force him to think about how small this place was.  It wasn’t a cell, or so he told himself on the days when the walls were too close together and the air was too thin.  Cells were where you kept prisoners, and he was no prisoner.

He had been.  Years ago.  His earliest memories were of a dark, bare room in a place he’d since learned was called Harvester.  There, he’d been a prisoner, a test subject, until his master had recognized his power and brought him here to train him personally.  When he was young, he had been nothing.  Now, he was the student of the Emperor, the most powerful being in the galaxy, destined to become his true apprentice when Vader inevitably failed one time too many.

He knew he should simply be grateful for the chance his master had given him, but Sidious was a brutal master; harsh and unforgiving and cruel.  The apprentice understood the reasons for it.  Everything his master did to him served the singular purpose of forging him into a warrior worthy of serving the Empire.  It also fostered a relentless, burning rage that pounded in his chest like a second heartbeat.  Rage that could never be released unless his master allowed it.  Trapped inside him, only let out when it was useful to his master’s goals, that rage hardened into hatred.  Hatred for everything his master told him to hate, but above all, hatred for his master.

He was jolted out of his thoughts by a presence in the Force that seemed to coil around him like a massive snake, growing colder the closer it came to him.  For just a moment, the apprentice caught himself wishing that he had the will to stay where he was, keep his eyes on the ceiling above him when his master entered the room, one small act of defiance.  But he knew better.  Obedience had been drilled into him since before he could walk.  He knew what was expected of him and the consequences for not doing it.

He quickly sat up and dragged himself off the pallet, lowering himself onto one knee and keeping his head bowed as he waited.  When the door opened, he didn’t look up.  He could feel his master’s eyes on him, observing him like a specimen in a lab.  He remained silent, knowing not to speak until he was spoken to.

“What happened during the mission?”

The apprentice mentally flinched at the icy tone in his master’s voice.  He swallowed nervously, trying to tame his fear before he spoke.

“The mission was a success, Master,” he said, keeping his voice as neutral as possible so he wouldn’t betray his fear.  “I eliminated the rebel cell.  There were no witnesses.”

He fell silent and waited, fighting against the temptation to look up and try to gain some sense of what his mater was thinking.  He knew it wouldn’t do him any good.  His master never betrayed his thoughts like that.  So he kept his eyes on the floor in front of him, keeping his mind as blank as possible, not wanting to follow any stray thoughts while his master was present.

The Force warned him less than a second before it happened.  Pain burst through his body as the lightning hit him, sending him slamming back against the wall.  It was over quickly, and he fell to the floor in a heap.  As he pushed himself back up onto his knees, he allowed himself to look up briefly, to glare furiously at his mater for the few seconds he dared to before he quickly lowered his gaze back to the floor.

“Don’t lie to me this time,” his master said, his displeasure clear in his voice.

The apprentice bit down on his tongue hard enough that he tasted blood before he spoke again.

“One of them escaped,” he said.  “But I tracked him down and killed him.  I still completed the mi—”

He cried out as his master’s lightning struck him again.  He was thrown back against the wall, just a few inches behind him, and gasped as the back of his head struck the stone.

“I will decide if your mission was a success or not,” his master said, allowing just the slightest edge of his anger into his voice.  It was more than enough for the apprentice to freeze in place, mentally cowering away from the Sith Lord, even if he didn’t dare to do so physically.

“You may have completed your objective,” he continued, “but in allowing one of your targets to escape, you _failed_.”

The apprentice said nothing.  Apologies and explanations wouldn’t save him.  They would only be seen as excuses, as defiance, as disrespect.  He knew he was going to be punished for his failure.  All he could do was keep his mouth shut and not make this worse for himself.

“Unfortunately, I have more pressing matters to attend to than correcting your behavior,” his master said.

His gut clenched.  He knew exactly what that meant.  As his master turned and left the room, the apprentice drew in a long, shuddering breath.  Slowly, he pulled himself up off the floor, sitting up against the wall.  He knew he didn’t have long; a few minutes at most.

Sure enough, the door opened again less than a minute later.  The apprentice stood up, his back pressed to the wall, as the droid entered the room.  It floated above the floor like a probe droid, but it had more arms than most probes.  His rage flared hotter in his chest as the door closed and locked, sealing him inside the room with the droid.  He hated this thing almost as much as he hated his master.  He wanted nothing more than to reach out through the Force and smash the machine against the wall.  But he knew better than to try.  Resistance was only going to get him in more trouble.

He closed his eyes for a moment before he stepped forward.  The droid was drawing closer, extending one of its arms toward him, a small needle jutting out of an open port.  The apprentice rolled up his sleeve and extended his left arm, wanting to just get this over with.  He bit back a whimper as the droid quickly inserted the needle into his skin, and braced himself for the pain.

* * *

 

As the droid left the room, the apprentice dragged himself onto the pallet in the corner.  He lay facing the wall and curled in on himself, biting down on his lower lip to muffle the quiet whimpers in the back of his throat.  His hand was shaking as he wiped away the wetness on his face that he refused to acknowledge as tears.  The effects of the drug hadn’t completely worn off yet, leaving a burning feeling in his veins that was fading far too slowly as his body was wracked by painful spasms.

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the pain.  It would pass soon enough, and next time he would do better.  Next time he wouldn’t need to be punished.

He tried to draw himself away from those thoughts.  There was no point in dwelling on next time, if there even _would_ be a next time.  For all he knew, this was one failure too many and his master would never trust him with another mission again.  Instead, he reached for the small, quiet corner of his mind that he only rarely let himself retreat to.

It wasn’t a memory.  It was more like a feeling from a time before memories.  Warm hands holding him and soft voice calling him…something.  _Ezra_.  That same voice, frantic and terrified as someone much colder grabbed hold of him, screaming for him.  _No!  Ezra!_

Even as he brushed up against the almost-memory, he recoiled from it.  He knew he could never think of himself that way.  His master would know – he _always_ knew – and would hurt him, would beat the word – _the name?_ – out of him, burn it from his mind, crush any thoughts of it until the word was a pile of meaningless dust that slipped from his fingers and disappeared.

So he kept the word tucked away in a deep, barely touched corner of his mind.  It was his secret; his small, almost meaningless act of rebellion.  It was _his_ and no one else would touch it.

He pulled away from the word that he could barely acknowledge as a name before he could let himself think about it too much, shoving it back down into that hidden corner of his mind.  He tried to focus only on blocking out his pain.

* * *

 

The apprentice knew that at least an hour had passed from the time his punishment ended until the pain from it finally subsided.  Even though he no longer felt like he was being burned alive from the inside out, he stayed where he was, shaking as he stared up at the ceiling above him.

He really hated that droid.

The door opened and the apprentice gasped and sat up.  He’d been so distracted by the pain that he hadn’t sensed his master’s presence drawing closer.  That was an unforgiveable mistake.  In any other situation, it might have cost him his life.

He quickly slid to the floor and dropped to one knee, his heart pounding as his mind latched onto the vain hope that his master hadn’t noticed.  He fixed his gaze on the floor in front of him, bracing himself in case another blast of lightning hit him.  When his master spoke, the apprentice felt as though something was tightening around his heart.

“I am giving you a chance to make up for your failure,” Master Sidious said, the sheer disappointment in his voice sending a chill down the apprentice’s spine, so strong he had to fight the urge to shiver.

A datacard was dropped to the floor in front of him.  Slowly, he reached out and took it.

“Your target is the former leader of the Crimson Dawn crime syndicate,” his master said.  “He escaped the raid that destroyed the organization.  You are to find him and eliminate him.  And you are _not_ to return until you have succeeded.”

“Yes, my master,” the apprentice said.

“Do not fail me again,” his master said.

“I won't fail, Master.”

The apprentice remained where he was even after he heard the door open and close again.  He waited until he felt his master’s dark, cold presence fade into the distance before he straightened up, his hand closing around the datacard.  He turned back to his pallet and picked up the datapad that lay on the floor beside it, inserting the datacard as he powered it up.  A file appeared on the screen, showing an image of a red and black Zabrak.  There was little information in the file, much less than he was usually told about the targets his master sent him after.

The target’s name was Maul.  Like his master had told him, Maul was once the leader of Crimson Dawn until the organization had been decimated after an Imperial raid three years ago.  Maul had escaped and gone into hiding.

The file held only two more pieces of information.  First, that Maul was to be considered armed and dangerous, and any Imperial agents who encountered him were authorized to use deadly force.  Second, that his home planet was called Dathomir.  With no other leads, the apprentice would start there.

And this time, he wouldn’t let himself fail his master.


	2. Dathomir

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: head trauma; restraint; torture

The apprentice activated his fighter’s cloaking device as the small ship dropped out of hyperspace.  Through the transparisteel in front of him, he could see Dathomir.  Without even entering the atmosphere, he could feel the Force surging and moving all over the planet, like a river beating against the rocks that surrounded it.  A thread of nervousness worked its way through the apprentice’s mind.  He hadn’t been able to find much information about Dathomir.  Either it was a mostly uncontacted planet, or the information had been deliberately removed from any system he had access to.  He had found nothing to indicate that the planet was so alive with the Force.

He piloted the fighter toward the planet, trying to keep his mind clear.  He didn’t know what to expect once he reached the surface, and letting his mind wander and come up with possibilities of what he might find there wouldn’t help him.  Once he’d broken through the atmosphere, he closed his eyes and reached out through the Force, carefully searching the planet piece by piece.  He couldn’t feel across the span of the entire planet.  If he dared to let himself think such a thing, he would have doubted that even his master could do that.

His eyes snapped open as he felt it.  An area of concentrated power in the planet’s northern hemisphere.  He piloted his fighter down to the planet’s surface, following that feeling in the Force, hoping it would lead him to where he was supposed to go.

As he landed and powered down the ship’s engines, an uneasy feeling settled over him.  He didn’t know if Maul was even on this planet.  For all he knew, this would all be for nothing.  Still, he leapt from the fighter and began to make his way through the trees toward that concentration of power.  It was as good a place to start as any, and if Maul was from this planet, at the very least he might be able to find some useful information.

He walked for nearly ten minutes before he finally emerged from the trees.  The wide entrance to a cavern loomed ahead of him, so dark he could only see a few feet inside of it, and just barely.  This was it.  He could feel the cave practically overflowing with the Force.  This was what he’d sensed from the atmosphere.

He briefly placed his hand on his lightsaber, making sure it was within easy reach, before he approached the entrance to the cave.  As he stepped inside and made his way deeper into the abyss, a sharp buzzing feeling welled up in his chest.  There was no light source inside the cave itself, but he found that he wasn’t having any trouble seeing.  It was as if the cave itself was giving off some form of light.

As he drew deeper into the cave, he saw it.  A large structure, a _fortress_ , built into the cavern wall.  The moment he saw it, the back of his neck began to prickle.  He hadn’t sensed the presence of any sentient beings, so why did he feel like someone was watching him?

No sooner had the thought crossed his mind than the familiar _snap-hiss_ of a lightsaber cracked through the air from behind him.  The apprentice whipped around, drawing and activating his own weapon in one fluid movement, bringing the red blade up just in time to stop the attack that would have taken his arm off.  As the two ‘sabers locked together, he looked up at his opponent, his eyes widening slightly when he saw the same tattooed face he’d seen in the file his master had given him.

The apprentice disengaged and quickly launched into another attack, which Maul dodged easily.  The apprentice narrowed his eyes as he took a step backward, sizing Maul up.  His target was bigger than him, and stronger, but also much older, and his mechanical legs probably made him much less agile.  This wouldn’t be an easy fight, but his master didn’t use him for easy tasks.

He lunged at Maul again, only for the Zabrak to reach out a hand, a powerful grip in the Force surrounding the apprentice and wrenching him off the ground.  The apprentice’s eyes widened once again.  None of the information he’d been given or found on his own had indicated that Maul was a Force wielder.  But it didn’t matter.  He wasn’t going to fail.  Not this time.

As he was thrown backward, he braced himself for impact.  As he struck the wall, he pushed out through the Force, breaking Maul’s hold on him.  He dropped to the ground, landing lightly on his feet and quickly adjusting his grip on his lightsaber before he attacked again.  Maul caught the apprentice’s blade on his own, taking advantage of the moment that their ‘sabers were locked together to deliver a vicious kick to the apprentice’s kneecap.

The apprentice gasped as his leg buckled under him, knocking him off balance.  Maul lunged at him, thrusting his ‘saber forward.  The apprentice tried to dodge, but couldn’t get his balance back in time to avoid the blade slashing across his side.  He gritted his teeth, trying to focus through the pain, only for his lightsaber to be wrenched from his hand.  His throat tightened as he was wrenched off the ground once more.  He hung there, suspended in the air, his heart pounding harder and harder with each second that he spent unable to breathe.  His eyes darted around, searching for a way out of this, but it was nearly impossible to think as dark spots began to appear in his vision.  He was wrenched forward, toward Maul, and before he could try to break the Zabrak’s grip on his throat, pain burst across his head and everything went dark.

* * *

 

His head pounded as his eyes slowly opened.  He was sitting up against something made of solid stone.  His arms were wrenched behind him, something bound tightly around each wrist and around whatever he was sitting against.  Heavy chains circled his chest, keeping him bound to the object behind him.  As his vision cleared, he saw another chain binding his ankles and coiling around his legs all the way up to his knees.

As he lifted his head, he saw Maul pacing in front of him, his lightsaber in his hand, though the twin blades were currently switched off.  A small smile twitched across the apprentice’s face.  It was going to take much more than simple chains to hold him.  He reached for the Force, only for a chill to run up his spine as he realized that he couldn’t.  It was…gone.  The Force itself was simply _gone_.

He silently ordered himself not to panic.  His master had made sure he was trained to survive without using the Force.  He would have been a useless apprentice if he relied on the Force as his only weapon.  But fear still buzzed through his mind.  Not being able to reach for the Force felt like a piece of him was missing, as though a limb had been cut off.

Biting down on the inside of his cheek to help himself focus through his fear, he twisted his wrist, trying to find a weak point in the chains that bound him.

“Don’t bother,” Maul said, his voice cold.  “You won't be escaping.”

The apprentice let out a low growl and wrenched violently at the chain around his right wrist.  Maul let out a harsh laugh.

“His Inquisitors can't get the job done, so Sidious sends _you_ to kill me?” he said, amusement coloring his voice.  “He must be getting desperate.”

Maul activated one of the blades of his lightsaber, bringing the tip of it up under the apprentice’s chin.  The apprentice pressed himself back against the stone column he was bound to, feeling the blade’s heat on his skin.  He glared up at Maul in what he knew might be his final act of defiance.  If he was going to die here, he was going to face his killer head-on.

“Oh, I’m not going to kill you,” Maul said, as if knowing exactly what had gone through the apprentice’s mind.  “Not yet.  I intend to make your death last as long as possible.”

The apprentice wrenched at his chains again, biting back a small gasp of pain as the edges of the cuffs dug into his wrists.  Maul’s eyes narrowed and he quickly drew his lightsaber back just slightly and brought the tip of the blade up.  The apprentice cried out as his right cheek burned, red hot streaks of pain radiating through his face.

“Consider that a warning,” Maul said.  “If you make a real escape attempt, I won't hesitate to make you pay for it.”

“What does it matter?” the apprentice hissed through teeth still gritted against the pain.  “If you’re going to kill me anyway, why should I care?”

“Because I have the power to end your suffering or prolong it,” Maul said.  “Your death will be agonizing.  It’s just a matter of how much.”

“I’m not afraid of you,” the apprentice said.

In spite of his words, the apprentice’s gut clenched when he saw the smile that twitched across Maul’s face.

“You will be,” Maul said.  He reached out a hand toward, the apprentice, who shrank back, his breath catching in his throat as he threw all of his strength behind his shields as he felt Maul press against his mind.

He gasped and bit down on his tongue as he felt Maul’s presence spreading across his shields, searching for weak points and pushing through them.  Shadows slid into his mind like a cold knife between his ribs.  The shadows sharpened, forming into claws and digging into him.  His throat began to burn as he screamed and his eyes rolled back into his head.

* * *

 

The boy’s shields were strong.  Sidious had clearly taught him well.  He fought back furiously against the invasion of his mind, trying to push Maul’s presence away, but the Force suppressing chains he was bound in kept him from properly defending himself.  He wouldn’t be able to keep this up forever.

Sure enough, it didn’t take long for Maul to push through the boy’s defenses.  The boy’s mind lay open in front of him, a raging sea of memories and fear and white-hot anger.  Maul reached into it, barely paying attention to the memories he pulled to the surface of the boy’s mind.  He wasn’t looking for information.  He only wanted to make Sidious’s agent suffer as much as possible.

The boy screamed until his voice suddenly cut off with a harsh whimper, as if something had broken.  His eyes went wide, staring blankly into space as he slumped forward, his body wracked by small twitches and tremors as Maul tore through his mind.

“No,” the boy muttered, “ _please_.”

Maul dug deeper into the boy’s mind, sinking his mental claws into the tangle of pain and fear that made up the child’s presence in the Force.  As Maul reached deeper, tearing away at the boy’s mind, the boy’s eyes grew wider.  Suddenly, his head snapped back, striking against the column he was bound to, and he screamed again, the sound echoing through the cave as he pulled against his chains.

Maul continued to claw at the boy’s mind, sending waves of pain crashing across his body, dragging his fear to the surface.  The boy continued to scream, thrashing against his restraints.  By the time Maul decided that the boy had had enough for now, his screams had faded into weak cries of pain, like those of a wounded animal.

As Maul pulled away from the boy’s mind, the boy slumped forward again.  Maul could see tears running down his cheeks, though the boy seemed completely unaware of them.  Quiet whimpers echoed from his throat as he shook.  For just a moment, Maul couldn’t help but think that the boy looked so much smaller now than he had when Maul had first laid eyes on him.

Maul quickly shoved that thought aside.  Child or not, the boy was an agent of Sidious.  Maul wouldn’t allow himself to feel any sympathy for him.

As if in response to Maul’s thoughts, another series of sharp, quiet whimpers escaped the boy’s throat.

“Quiet,” Maul growled, though he didn’t expect the boy to have the presence of mind to actually listen to him.  The boy whimpered yet again, his chains rattling as he flinched violently at the sound of Maul’s voice.

“No,” he muttered, his voice barely audible even in the nearly silent cave.  “Master, _please_.”

Tears continued to trickle down his face as his voice faded to a whisper while he pleaded with a tormentor who wasn’t there.  As another whimper burst from the boy’s throat, his eyes rolled back, his lids drooping closed and his head dropping forward toward his chest.

Maul reached out through the Force once more, prodding at the boy’s mind much more gently this time as he checked to make sure that he hadn’t done too much damage.  He didn’t intend to shatter the boy’s mind completely.  He wanted the boy able to fully understand what was happening when he finally died.

As he reached into the boy’s mind, Maul found the same web of pain and fear he’d found before, tangled and cracked, but intact.  As he pulled back, a sharp, sudden feeling like static electricity shot through his mind as a memory violently surged to the surface of the boy’s mind.

_He screamed as the lightning coursed through him, encasing his body.  He reached for the lightsaber that lay just inches from his hand, but he couldn’t move his arm.  A wave of relief crashed over him as the lightning finally stopped, only to start again before he could even try to pick up his weapon.  The taste of blood filled his mouth as he bit down on his tongue.  He could hear his master’s voice, but couldn’t understand the words through the ringing in his ears and the sound of his own screams._

Maul wrenched himself out of the boy’s mind and turned away, not wanting to look at him for one second more.  He knew the memory belonged to the boy, but it could so easily have been his own.

Maul walked away, back toward the abandoned Nightsister fortress, leaving the boy behind.  He didn’t worry about the child escaping.  It would be hours before he woke up, and when he did, breaking free of his chains would be impossible.


	3. Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: restraint; torture; flashbacks to past child abuse; broken bones

His head spun as his eyes slowly opened.  He could feel dried tears clinging to his cheeks and instinctively tried to brush them away only for his wrist to be caught and held back by something.  As metal bit into his wrist and he slowly became aware of the crushing pressure around his chest, he remembered the chains.

He lifted his head, his neck and back aching with the effort as he glanced at his surroundings.  He was still in the cave, but this time, he was alone.  Maul was nowhere to be seen.

He pulled at his chains, twisting his wrists within the cuffs.  He just had to be patient.  These chains couldn’t hold him forever.

But the more he struggled, the more discouraged he became.  He couldn’t work the chains loose, no matter how hard he tried.  There were moments when he thought he’d managed to loosen them just a little, only to find upon trying to pull his arm forward that they were just as tight as ever.  He didn’t know if it was just wishful thinking or if whatever made the chains able to suppress his connection to the Force also made them tighten to prevent his escape.

“I told you before,” Maul said, causing the apprentice to flinch at the sound of his voice.  He hadn’t seen Maul return, and with these chains binding him, he hadn’t been able to sense his captor in the Force.  “There is no use struggling.”

“What do you want?” the apprentice hissed.  “Did you just come back to torture me again?”

“As a matter of fact,” Maul said.  Rather than elaborate, he reached out a hand and the apprentice felt those icy cold shadows slide into his mind again.  With his shields still damaged from Maul’s last assault, he was barely able to resist.

He cried out as a feeling like a frozen spike being driven into his forehead shot through him.  He tried to shrink away from the memories that Maul dragged to the surface of his mind, some of them so deeply buried by time that he’d nearly forgotten them completely, but Maul was everywhere, and there was no escape.

_He struggled against the restraints that held him down to the table, growling and thrashing as the droid circled him, drawing closer and closer until it plunged a needle into his arm.  He was screaming in fury, the words pulling themselves from his lungs, “I hate you!”_

_He was cowering against the wall, his broken arm pulled close to his chest.  Tears were clinging to his cheeks, the knowledge that crying only makes it worse drawing tight around his throat like a noose._

_“You are weak.  Useless.  I should have disposed of you years ago.”_

_The harsh sound of a respirator cut through the ringing in his ears as the hand of his master’s true apprentice tightened around his throat, pinning him to the wall, his feet kicking weakly at the air beneath him._

_The Mirialan Inquisitor struck him viciously across the face.  Barely more than an infant, he couldn’t stay on his feet under the force of the blow and fell to the floor, sobbing.  “What use are you if you can't even speak?”_

_“Master, please, give me another chance, I –” his plea was cut off as he was thrown across the room, his back slamming into the wall, pain bursting across his spine as he crumpled to the floor._

He barely even registered the fact that he was screaming and pleading as memory after memory was wrenched to the surface of his mind, closing in around him.  He didn’t even realize he was pulling at his restraints until he heard a loud _snap_ and pain burst through his wrist, radiating up his arm.

_He was on the ground, the end of his master’s lightsaber pointed at his throat.  “You are nothing.  If I killed you now, it wouldn’t matter.  Give me one reason why I shouldn’t.”_

“S—stop.”  His quiet plea was met by a wave of pain bursting through him.  He cried out, his voice weak from screaming.  As he slumped over, his head hanging, his vision swam before going black.

* * *

 

He gasped, his eyes snapping open as something struck his face.  He flinched when he saw Maul standing over him, a metallic object in his hand.

“Open your mouth,” Maul said.

The apprentice clenched his jaw and glared up at Maul, who raised his hand, letting the warning linger for a moment before backhanding him again.

“Do you want to dehydrate?” Maul growled.

“What does it matter?” the apprentice shot back.  “You’re going to kill me anyway.”

He couldn’t hold back a cry of pain as Maul struck him yet again.

“Okay,” he said, cowering against the column he was bound to.  “Okay.”

He opened his mouth and Maul raised the canteen to it.  The apprentice drank as much as he could, his self-preservation instincts taking over the moment he tasted the water.  It had to have been at least a full day since he’d landed on the planet.  He needed water if he was going to last much longer.

When Maul took the canteen away, the apprentice took a deep breath, trying to steady his nerves.  At least it seemed like he was getting a brief respite from the pain Maul had been subjecting him to.  As he settled into his own head, he was suddenly aware of a throbbing pain in his arm.  He wracked his brain until he remembered the _snap_ and the stabbing pain as he’d struggled against his chains.

He closed his eyes for a moment, drawing in another long, shuddering breath.  Bitter fear rose up in his throat like bile.  In spite of his training and his determination, he was afraid.  When he opened his eyes, he turned his gaze up toward his captor, glaring at him with what he hoped was a convincing look of defiance.

“Whatever you’re going to do to me now, just get it over with,” he said.  “I’m not afraid of you.”

“Don’t bother trying to lie to me, boy,” Maul said.  “Your mind is wide open.  I can feel your fear.”

“I’m not afraid!” the apprentice snapped.

The words were barely out of his mouth when he felt the shadows of Maul’s presence flood into his mind again.  As the shadows crept through every corner of his mind, the pressure in his head kept building, like his fear was being amplified.

“St—stop,” the apprentice said, the word barely audible as his voice broke.

He gasped as Maul pushed harder.  His fear was growing, crawling up the sides of his mind, wrapping around him like vines, strangling him, cutting off his ability to even _think_.  He was shaking, the chains rattling with each small movement.

“Stop it,” he muttered, silently cursing himself for his display of weakness.  He couldn’t help it.  He barely had control over his own actions.  He couldn’t remember ever feeling this afraid in his life.

“Admit that you’re afraid, boy,” Maul said, his voice low.

“I—I’m not,” the apprentice said, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head vigorously, as if he could fling Maul’s presence from his mind.

His head was spinning, his vision blurring.  He couldn’t breathe.  He couldn’t even remember why he _needed_ to breathe.  There was nothing but fear growing and growing in his head, trying to tear him into smaller and smaller pieces and consume him like a starving animal.  Nothing but fear and the man standing in front of him.

“I—I’m afraid,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I can't hear you.”

“I’m afraid!” he cried.  He could barely hear his own voice, like his fear was muffling the sound of it.

“Of what?”

The apprentice knew that he was supposed to admit that it was Maul he was afraid of.  That was what Maul wanted.  But as he tried to force out the word “you” past the fear roaring in his head, another word stumbled out.

“M—Master.”

The fear began to ebb away.  It didn’t vanish.  Of course it didn’t.  But it receded back to something he could at least try to manage.  Something that didn’t feel like it was trying to eat him alive anymore.  As he became more aware of reality again, he realized that he was crying.  No, not crying.  He was _sobbing_ like he hadn’t done since he was a small child, still imprisoned at Harvester.  He was trembling, the chains rattling as he shook.  He silently cursed himself, ordering himself to pull it together, to stop being so _weak_ , so _childish_ , so _useless_.  His master was right.  He should have been killed years ago, thrown away like the useless thing that he was.  He couldn’t even stop himself from crying like a child in front of his enemy.

“Master,” he muttered, barely aware that he was even speaking.  “I failed.  I failed.”

Tears continued to slide down his cheeks as he shook, cowering against the column.  All he could hope for now was that his master would give him a quick, merciful death.  It was more than he deserved after –

A powerful blow to the face snapped the apprentice back to where he really was.  He shrank back as Maul leaned down, grabbing his chin and forcing him to look up.

“You’re right to fear him,” he said, his fingers digging into the apprentice’s skin so hard that he knew there would be bruises forming soon enough.  “You are nothing to him.  You are just a weapon.  An object for him to use until you’ve served your purpose.  And then he will throw you away, just like he did to me.”

His grip tightened for just a moment before he released the apprentice, who continued to stare up at him.

“L—like he did to you?” he repeated, a tremor in his voice as a chill ran down his spine.

“I was his apprentice once,” Maul said.  “Given how unprepared you were to face me, I’m assuming he never told you.”

The apprentice said nothing, only staring up at Maul as he tried to wrap his mind around what he’d just been told.

“Killing you will be a mercy,” Maul said.  “At least you won't have to die by his hand.”

With that, Maul turned on his heel and walked away.  The apprentice shivered, his left arm throbbing as the chain dug into his wrist.


	4. Conversations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *drags this fic up out of the depths* It's back! Finally, I am updating this again! I apologize for not updating for such a long time. I really should've just focused on one longfic at a time. Lesson learned. Also, the baby takes up a lot of time and she takes priority over fic writing. Anyway, enjoy! As much as it's possible to enjoy this terrible story, that is.
> 
> warning for: child abuse; torture

The boy hadn’t said a word in two days.  The only sounds that came out of his mouth were screams and whimpers when Maul struck him or tore into his mind.  Ever since Maul had revealed that he was once Sidious’s apprentice, something about the boy had changed.  He was more subdued, no longer keeping up his act of defiance, resigned to what was happening to him.  Maul was certain it wasn’t the first time the boy had reached this point, having been trained by Sidious.

The boy’s fear had grown as well.  Not just of the pain Maul inflicted, but of everything he represented.  _He will throw you away, just like he did to me._   The fear of those words becoming reality burned in the boy’s mind, and the boy was too weak and beaten to bother trying to hide it.

On the third day since Maul had revealed that small piece of his past, the boy finally found his voice again, speaking so quietly that Maul almost couldn’t hear him.

“Why did he get rid of you?”  The boy wasn’t looking at Maul, instead keeping his eyes on the ground as he shrank back like he was expecting a blow.  “Wh—what did you do?”

Maul’s hand curled into a fist at his side, white hot flames of anger raking across the inside of his chest at the boy’s question.  He’d done nothing but what Sidious had ordered him to do.  That was all he’d ever done, and his former master had still left him for dead.  He’d found the Skywalker boy, his new apprentice, and had discarded Maul like the obsolete weapon he was.

“I served him,” Maul said.  “I did everything he told me to do.  And the moment he decided he didn’t need me anymore, he abandoned me.”

The boy didn’t move, but Maul could feel the mental flinch at his words.  He knew the boy already understood perfectly well the point he was making, but Maul said it anyway, if only to twist the knife.

“He _will_ do the same to you.”

“No,” the boy muttered.  “H-he won't.  I’m not like you.”

“Enough of this,” Maul snapped.  “I didn’t come here to talk.”

“No,” the boy said, his voice shaking as he finally tore his gaze away from the ground to look up at Maul, his eyes wide with terror.  “P-please.  Don’t.”

“Do you really think begging will save you?” Maul asked, his anger giving way to disgust at the pitiful tone in the boy’s voice.

As Maul reached into his mind, the boy whimpered, shrinking back against the column.  He barely fought back as Maul pushed at his fear, feeding it until it grew, filling every corner of his mind.

“No,” the boy muttered, his head dropping forward, his chin against his chest.  The word was followed by no action.  Not even the slightest push against Maul’s presence in his mind.

Maul pulled back immediately.  As satisfying as it was to think that he had broken Sidious’s agent so thoroughly in such a short time, pushing any further could shatter his mind completely.

He reached down, gripping the boy’s chin and tilting his head up to see if he was still conscious.  The boy groaned as he weakly tried to pull away from Maul’s touch, his eyelids drooping until Maul could only just see the finest sliver of yellow.

_He’s so young._

The moment the thought crossed his mind, Maul tried to push it down, bury it where he would never have to think about it again, but it rose up immediately, forcing itself to the forefront of his mind.  Maul couldn’t say precisely how old the boy was – humans had so few visible signifiers of their age, after all – but there was no question that he _was_ still a child.

It shouldn’t matter to him, he knew.  It _didn’t_ matter to him.  However young the boy was, he was far older than Maul had been when Sidious had taken him.  He was old enough to pay the price for his own actions, and those of his master, just as Maul had.

“Wake up,” Maul growled, tightening his grip on the boy’s chin.  The boy gasped, his eyes widening as he tried to wrench himself away from Maul’s touch.  It didn’t take long for him to give up, simply meeting Maul’s gaze with terror in his eyes.

“What’s your name?” Maul asked.  It was another thing he knew he shouldn’t care about, but the question came anyway, as if the words that formed it had a mind of their own.

“I’m n-not telling you that,” the boy said, his voice shaking.

Maul’s hand quickly dropped from the boy’s chin to his neck.  He shoved the boy’s head back against the column, adrenaline coursing through his veins at the feeling of holding the child’s very ability to breathe in his hand.

“Listen to me, boy,” Maul said, tightening his grip on the boy’s throat.  “You have no power here.  There is _nothing_ you can do to keep anything from me.  So make this easier on yourself and _tell me your name_.”

The boy gasped and coughed as Maul released him.  He was trembling as he shrank back against the column, as if it could hide him from Maul’s anger.

“I – I don’t have one,” he said, his voice a harsh, rasping whisper.  “I don’t have one.”

Maul turned away from the boy, pacing the length of the cave as the constant flicker of rage that pulsed in his chest like another heartbeat flared brighter and hotter.  Even _he_ had been given a name.  This boy had nothing.  He _was_ nothing; just a nameless weapon with only the barest scraps of an identity or will of his own.

He was exactly what Maul had been as a child, when he’d been too young and too easily tricked to realize it.

Maul turned back, his eyes narrowing as he stared down at the trembling boy.  If the boy had shown this much weakness in front of Sidious, he wouldn’t have survived this long.

Maul’s right hand curled into a fist once more as he fought to restrain himself from unleashing his anger on the boy.  It only took a moment for him to wonder why he was trying to.  With that thought, his anger exploded from him as he kicked the boy in the stomach.  The boy cried out as the chains that bound him were driven into his flesh by the force of the blow.  As Maul pulled his lightsaber from his belt and ignited one of the blades, the boy’s eyes went wide, his breath catching in his throat.

“Give me a reason not to kill you right now,” Maul growled as he brought the end of the blade up under the boy’s chin.

“Why?” the boy asked.  “You’re just going to kill me anyway.”

“You don’t want to die,” Maul said, bringing the blade closer to the boy’s neck.  The boy let out a hiss of pain as the blade began to burn his skin.  He tried to lean away from it, but there was nowhere for him to go.  “You weren’t trained to give up and accept death.  You were trained to survive, by any means necessary.  So, give me a reason.”

“I was trained not to beg, too,” the boy growled, finally showing something resembling a spine for the first time in days.

Maul couldn’t help but laugh.

He quickly drew the blade back and slashed it across the boy’s chest just below his neck.  The boy cried out, the pitiful sound only fueling Maul’s anger.  He raised his blade and brought it slashing down across the boy’s shoulder.

Maul brought the blade down again and again, slashing away at the boy’s skin until he stopped screaming.  As the boy slumped forward, his head hanging limply toward his chest, Maul switched his lightsaber off.  He knelt down, gripping the boy’s chin and tilting his face up.  He hadn’t intended to kill the boy yet, but if he had, that was just as well.

The boy’s eyes were barely open, his breathing slow and shallow.  So, he hadn’t died yet.  Perhaps he was stronger than he appeared.

A low whine rose from the boy’s throat before he drew in one long, shuddering breath and his eyes closed completely.  Maul released his face and felt at the side of his neck.  His pulse was still there, weak but steady.  He would live, for now.

* * *

Every part of his body hurt.  Every movement he made, no matter how small, caused his chains to rub at a wound, sending sharp bolts of pain radiating through him.

For over a full day after that particularly vicious attack, Maul had left him alone.  At first he was grateful for the reprieve, but now the apprentice caught himself wishing Maul would come back, if only because his throat had started burning from lack of water.

To make things worse, being alone in the cave took its toll.  This place was alive with a dark power so different than any he had encountered before.  Even when Maul was nowhere near him, he still felt like something was reaching into his head, raking through it, turning his mind inside out.

And so when he saw Maul approaching again, a wave of relief crashed over him, and a tight knot of shame formed in his stomach as he felt tears burning at the corners of his eyes.

“Drink,” Maul said, holding the canteen to his mouth.  The apprentice quickly gulped down the water inside it.  It wasn’t nearly enough, but at least it was _something_.

As Maul pulled the canteen away, the apprentice’s eyes widened when he saw what his captor held in his other hand.  A ration bar.  His stomach growled at the sight of it.  He couldn’t even remember when he’d last eaten, and now that he’d seen it, it was all he could think about.

But when Maul broke off a piece of it and held it out, the apprentice’s hunger disappeared, anger roiling inside his stomach in its place.  He stared at the small scrap of food being offered to him, trying to tell himself that it wasn’t that much different than when he was given water.  But the idea of Maul feeding him made him want to scream.

But it had been days.  He was starving.  And it wouldn’t be any worse than any other indignity he’d faced here.  Maul was right; he’d been trained to survive.  He would do what he had to do.

He opened his mouth, but the moment that Maul’s hand moved toward him, something inside of him snapped.  He lunged forward as far as he could, biting down on Maul’s hand.  Maul pulled away easily, and to the apprentice’s surprise, his captor began to laugh.

“What were you hoping to accomplish?” Maul asked.

Fear coiled in the apprentice’s chest, extinguishing his anger almost immediately.  Maul’s amusement at his pathetic excuse for an attack was more terrifying than his rage.

Maul held out the piece of the ration bar again, and the apprentice stared blankly at it for a moment.  Why would Maul be willing to give him food after what he’d just done?

“Just take it,” Maul snapped.

The apprentice opened his mouth, instinctively following the order.  This time he took the food without trying anything.  He didn’t want to push his luck twice.  A lump formed in his throat as he swallowed and he hung his head, looking down at the chains that wound around his legs.

“I could do it myself if you’d unchain me,” he said, his voice so quiet it was barely more than a whisper.

“That is not going to happen,” Maul said.

“Please.”  The word sounded more like a sigh than actual speech, something in his chest growing heavy as he said it.  “I – I think my arm is broken.”

There was a blur of movement in the edge of his vision and pain burst across his face as Maul backhanded him.

“If you think you can make me feel sympathy for you, you are mistaken,” Maul snapped.

The apprentice shrank back, the memory of what happened the last time someone thought he was trying to gain sympathy rising to the surface of his mind.

“I – I wasn’t –” his voice died in his throat, the stinging feeling of tears prickling at his eyes again.  A few stray tears slid down his face.  “I wasn’t.”

Maul stared down at him wordlessly for a moment.  The apprentice’s eyes went wide as he began trembling, wondering if he was about to be attacked again.  Maul’s anger pressed up against him before he turned on his heel and walked away.

The apprentice let out a quiet sigh of relief, only for his chest to begin aching as he was left alone again.


End file.
